Tom Yammers About Annoying Music
Nothing of substance in this one, just wanted to write something
Anime Sickos “Behind the Scenes”
Behold the process that cultivates the podcast for geniuses
Tom Yammers about Annoying Music He’s Into
So previously I wrote in this newsletter about my decision to become a Jazz Guy. I think learning piano myself is why I made this choice. Jazz is the music nobody likes, it sucks ass, and is only fun for the people playing it. This is why you can only like it if you play an instrument. “But Tom don’t you suck as piano” yes but it counts. Even my basic experience is enough to open my understanding of what is so cool about jazz, even as it is objectively repellent to all wifes.
But I’m not here to discuss jazz. I’ve done that already. I’m here because this stupid shit I’ve done has caused me to fall unmoored down da slippery slope and I am now a big time fiend for Annoying Guy Music of all stripes.
What do I mean by Annoying Guy Music? Hmm. Maybe this is a good way to describe it. If you listen to Anime Sickos, statistically speaking you’re trans. Sorry if this is the first time you’re learning this but better to know sooner than later. Anyway, you might be like “haha, I get it—we’re SO obnoxious about Chappel Roan and Charli XCX, do you mean like that?” Folks, no. This is like a baby to an Annoying Guy. An enjoyer of Annoying Guy Music would respond “uh, I don’t really listen to pop singers...they’re just not that interesting to me...kinda bland...glad you’re having fun though...”
The inflection point was my becoming nutso for King Crimson, one of the most annoying bands of all time. You get into jazz, you start saying “I sure love when the time signature changes and da band goes on big long improvisations” and then you’re fucked. You’re in the crosshairs and you listen to something like Larks Tongues in Aspic and you will never again have a non-putrid aux cord.
King Crimson does like triple damage because if you are an Annoying Guy you find it necessary to “do the reading” for all the music you listen to, and doing this for KC means you are going to learn a lot of Robert Fripp Facts. Fripp is perhaps the most annoying man of all time and every time I learn a Fripp fact a wave of smug self-satisfaction pulses through me as I can feel myself becoming more annoying. Example: I read how Fripp’s guitar part on the song “Fracture” is considered by guitarists to be one of the most difficult parts ever recorded. I did a big double take at this since at that point I had only listened to it once and I didn’t recall any ripping solos or anything on that track that struck me as particularly flashy and notable. Turns out the part they’re talking about—that apparently only a handful of guitarists on Earth are capable of playing—is an uninterrupted stretch of plinky-dinky lil sixteenth notes played extremely softly in the background for like four minutes. God! Even just describing that gave me such a surge of Annoying euphoria.
King Crimson of course leads to prog, the most annoying genre in the universe. We’re talking songs over ten minutes with fuckin flutes and oboes with lyrics about wizards. We got albums where the cover is a big cartoon tongue lickin an ass from a band that is NOT sexy or cheeky or funky AT ALL
We got French bands where they sing in a made up language where every word has like six umlauts on it. The Bill Bruford facts alone would make your blood run cold (with how tiresome they are). This is such a treasure trove for annoying guys—every album is a new world of shit no one likes for me to wallow around in.
What I’m truly nuts over right now is the music of Knower/Louis Cole. This is extra Annoying because Cole (and his band, Knower) are active right now and thus the Annoyingness is much fresher than these 50-year-old prog and jazz records.
So Knower is a sort of funk/jazz/electronic band where the only two official members are Genevieve Artadi (lead vocals) and then Louis Cole on drums. I say there are two members but the truth is all the songs (at least on the newer stuff I’m obsessed with) have a bunch of their musician friends playing on them. Because their buds are all jazz guys or jazz-adjacent they obviously are the best in the universe at their instruments. So Cole writes these fucking killer electro-funk tracks and then gives his buddies breaks in them to rip insane solos—this is so Annoying Guy I stg—and the funniest thing is he barely lets himself show off on drums, he just lays the foundation (which makes it hit super hard when he does let himself rip).
Another annoying thing is Cole is super DIY about production/gear. His music sounds lo-fi (I don’t mean like for studying. I mean literally low fidelity) because he does not give a shit about spending big money on production/recording/mastering etc. Case in point: the latest Knower album Knower Forever was recorded live in Some Guy’s House. You can tell because they also filmed it all and it’s on Youtube.
God the keyboard solo on this one is just so fuckin crunchy and funky. Love it
Here’s the thing though: he’s not just a drummer (hateful and illegal to be good at multiple things). He is also an extremely good singer. Check out the falsetto in this shit:
In this one he does that stupid Biz Markie shit when you physically tap your throat and somehow it sounds incredible (around 2:22)
And here’s another thing that fucking sucks: so Knower rules in large part because Cole’s bassist friends are sick beyond belief and lay down the funkiest lines of all time. One of the singles off Cole’s most recent solo album is this 7-minute song where he makes you wait 3 minutes for the chorus (insane. Insane. The levels of Annoying required to do this are unthinkable). The drums are like baby basic the whole time and like never change up—the reason is this song is composed to be a big container which holds The Bass which is the star of the show. Insanely funky lines, lots of rhythmic and melodic variation, it’s really the bass in the spotlight all the way through. This makes sense—if I had friends who could play bass like that I too would write a song that exists solely for them to show off.
Except, no. He’s playing bass himself in this one.
Oh also he’s in Clown Core which is a real Annoying Idiot’s band.
Also his upcoming album was recorded live with an orchestra. He has released three preview tracks where the songs are pretty similar to his normal material just with the strings and brass filling out the sound & makin it all lush. Then he put out a fourth song that is just A Piece For Orchestra. No drums, no vocals, no keyboards, just like an original composition for strings and it’s gorgeous. Annoying x 1000.
I stg it’s a miracle I don’t have a taste for metal otherwise we’d really be in trouble. Trust me you do not want me to know about Tool. In short: Annoying Guy Music forever.
....oh shit I forgot to talk about jazz fusion! So here’s the thing about Tony Williams...
This is the first good Cracked article in about 6 years